Who hurts us the most?~Broken Relationships

In our busy and ever changing world; we are always busy with ourselves, chasing our short as well as long range goals. Selfishly, we all run blindly towards our needs, which are definitely more self centered.
Belongingness or affiliation is a major need, and we struggle till our last breath to fulfill our needs of intimacy. And this is pretty very much normal, because we all need a partner at a certain point in our life, to subside the feelings of isolation.
A partner is someone with whom we can connect mentally, emotionally and physically. It is something more than mere attachment and attraction. Partners share mutual sense of respect, love, trust and affection.

Due to our cultural and social interaction with our environment and family we all form mental representations of our world, which helps us to further interact with our environment. This mental model or representations start forming from our very childhood. Similarly, our knowledge, symbolizations and representations of a perfect partner is formed in our mind through our unique interactions with our environment.

Therefore, while chasing to fulfill the belongingness need, we always try to find a partner who is same as our mentally fitted partner. And when we find someone who has some of the features matching with our existing mental partner model, we always anticipate that the person will have the other features as well. This anticipation, is the core of our expectations. Hence, we expect that person to have all the features which our mental partner has, and we even expect that person to fulfill everything which we want.
But the person, is not the same as our mental partner. He/she is an different and unique individual with his/her unique personality and dynamics. And we fail to realise this very 'fact'.
..........

Expectations are the key to broken relationships. We cannot expect our significant other to fulfill everything we want. Is it our Self-Love which drives us towards the un-real expectations we have towards our significant other?
The answer is yes.

We remain so blind that we fail to understand the real meaning of loving someone. There are several kinds of love, 'Eros' is the libidinal, procreational and existential form of love; 'Agape' is the unconditional form of love. We always use the 'eros' form of love but we should change it to Agape form of Love.

Love constitutes: intimacy, passion and commitment and their balance or equilibrium is very important.

Therefore, the pivotal causes of broken relationships are: our unreal expectations we have towards our partners because we think them to be the same as our mental partner; our Self-Love, and loving someone with conditions and not maintaining the balance between intimacy, passion and commitment.
As these above mentioned causes are initiated by ourselves.

Hence, it is 'us' who hurts 'us'.

"Expect less and love without conditions. "

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